Chasing Dreams

I have always believe in chasing my dreams and being a person who is very ambitious, I have set a long list of things that I want in my life. At times I feel people only think that I only chase one thing in life which is to be successful in my career/making loads of money and thats it without thinking of other aspects in life. The truth is, it is not something that I don't care about but rather it is something that I am very fixed with about what I want in life. Never in one day that I never think about my future and I know whatever I am doing is after a very thorough thought and it is not about being selfish. If ever I am selfish I would just stay here and not think about anyone else.

I am different in my thinking and I always wish that people can understand but its not something you can exactly say bluntly because people have expectations in everything that you do. It hurts sometime to feel like you cannot live up to what other people want and its unfair because I am completely happy with myself. I grew up in an environment where I believe that I should be able to take on to my decisions and have my own opinion and it does not mean if I don't do something that they want it means I love them less or not care about how they feel. Whatever happens to my feelings and my own happiness?

It is my life, my choice... If only you could hear my words and my voice deep down in my heart. If ever I regret, I will live through it and please do not worry because I know I won't and it will not make less of a good person for not fulfilling that one aspect. I believe there are many ways to achieve happiness/success and it is the words of others that puts pressure to it. I am very depressed at the moment and I feel that I don't make any of you happy.

I'm sorry I am not the best but I always try to be and I love you with all my heart.

P.S:

"My heroes are my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes."

“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.”

-chuck palahniuk-

No Age Limit in Education

Its been almost a year that I have not written anything in my blog as I have been busy with my finals and work. One week ago on the 10th November 2011, I finally graduated and received the parchment that have been due for 5 years at the age of 27 years old. And yes there is no age limit to education as I personally find delaying my degree to work has been helpful throughout my studies. It is indeed an emotional phase of my life to receive it as on that day it marked the hard work I went through and the sweat and tears of my parents throughout the journey.

Syukur Allhamdulilah!

It was indeed the best moment of my life, having both my loving parents, aunts and sister (she was waiting outside tho) look at me walk down the hall with my graduation gown. As I waited for the ceremony to start, I can't help but to constantly turn my head and tears rolled down to see my parents seated right above me. Thank you Ibu & Abah for all the support and for putting up with me, here is my degree and its for the both of you. I am proud to be your daughter and I am lucky to have the both of you in my life.

As the ceremony begins, the President requested us to stand and turn our back and look at the faces of our parents and applaud them for giving us the best education through out the years. We clapped our hands as loud as we could but I know its never enough to repay them for all that they have done for us. So future graduates, always remember the back bone of every success is your parents and no one else.

This will be a short entry by me as there are no words that could exactly describe how I feel and my only intention of this post is to tell people out there that there are no age limit in education and to always be grateful of your parents. They have done so much for us from the day we are born holding our fragile hands until we are strong enough to stand on own two feet. Congratulations goes to my Ibu & Abah, you are the best in the world.

P.`s: “Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”

'Mr.Liam'

Memang betul kata orang tua, 'jauh perjalanan, jauh pemandangan'....Thank you mum and dad for sending me all the way here...I EXPERIENCE...I TASTE...I FEEL...I HEAR...I SEE...some parts in life that I truly appreciate....I guess this is part of growing up....

This post today is dedicated to Mr.Liam...If you read my blog, I guess you will know who he is...He is the gentleman who gave me a ball of soap as a present...What I am about to write is not about the ball of soap he gave me or anything funny...It is something that happen to me that made me feel like sitting down and not say a word but to listen...

Mr.Liam came to the shop today...He smiled at me...But his face was rather blank....I went off for my break and there he was sitting at the end of the shop sipping his bowl of soup...Without hesitation, I approached him and asked him how was his trip to Malaysia...He was amazed that I knew about his trip...He told me he loved Malaysia and asked me where I was from...He replied, "I know someone from Kuala Lumpur, her name is Shaq...Have you seen her?I want to talk to her..." I smiled, "It's me sir...I am Shaq..."He paused and replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize until you smiled..." I didn't want him to feel bad and I said that it was okay and that I am glad the he remembered my name...That is enough for me being just a person who makes sandwiches...

So Mr.Liam continued on talking to me and asked me about school and how I have been coping with school...He then looked at me and said something I did not expect..."Shaq, I came here to look for you...I have cancer and its spreading to my lungs..." His eyes were a bit teary...I didn't know what to say...I pulled the chair and sat down with him...Looked at him in the eye and I said, "Sir, I am sorry to hear that...My dad is a trainer back in Malaysia, he constantly reminds me that the mind is the strongest thing and if you stay positive, with God's willing you will remain fine...And you know what, you look very fit and I am honoured to be one of the people that you choose to talk to...I may not understand or feel the pain that you are going through...But I believe that miracles do happen...And I know you will receive some miracles in life...." He smile and said that it was such a compliment for me to tell him that he looked fit...He said what I said was true for someone younger than him...I smiled and thank him...

I walked away, feeling rather heavy at my heart...I wanted to cry...I wanted to call mum and dad to ask what is the best thing to say to this gentleman...He is such a nice man...I went back to him and offered to buy him a pot of tea...Before leaving the table, I said that he could look for me whenever he wish to talk to someone and that is the best I can do...Ten minutes later he came up to me and say, "Terima Kasih Banyak...Jumpa lagi 13 Disember....I hope to see you before you leave for Malaysia..." I smiled, he walked away and waved at me...

For that...Everyone should be constantly grateful and live each day like there is no tomorrow...

Dear Mr.Liam,

I don't know who you are...But I will pray for your health and happiness...May you be blessed like how I have been blessed...God will always be by your side and never stop living life to the fullest for there is so much in life... Like what Albert Einstein said in one of his quotes, "The are only two ways to live your life...One Is as though nothing is a miracle...The other one is as though everything is a miracle..." Please have the courage to live...Anyone can die...Thank you for choosing me to listen for I believe that is one of the reason God has placed me in this world...God Bless you sir...

P.s:

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.” -Unknown-

I have always believed that we are at a particular place for a lot of reasons...The choices that we make in our life at times has its own reasons that will make us realize that we are needed...I remember when I was younger, my religious teacher told us that we are the 'khalifah di muka bumi'(a messenger)... These few days this thoughts has been running in my mind...There are a few interesting occasions which made me ponder about this...

A few days back there was a lady on a motorized wheelchair who came to the shop for a late lunch...She approached my supervisor Shaun to order something to drink...For my colleagues it was 'unfortunate' of me to be there but I felt that 'fortunately' I was there...Shaun could not understand a word that came out from the lady as she had speech difficulties where she stutters before finishing a word and is not able control her pitch...Not only that, she has trouble coordinating her whole body, from her eyes and hands...Without hesitation, I offered to take over Shaun and attend to the lady...She wanted a large cappuccino with whipped cream and a set of sandwich...As ordered, Shaun prepared the sandwiches and I made her coffee...I sent it over to her table and walked away...

Five minutes later....

Lady: Hellll(stutters)llooo

Me: Yes can I help you?

Lady: Can you put napkins on my chest and take the money for the sandwich...

(This was rather awkward as I had to dig in through her bag for her money)

I then left the table and start my closing process...Then she called me again...Bak kata orang melayu belum sempat panas bontot lagi dah kena panggil...

Lady: Can you please pick up the sandwich and put it on my hand...

(I swear it looked so hard for her to even eat the sandwich)

Me: Sure...

Approximately 8 minutes later...

Lady: Put some sweetener in my coffee...Put two ok..

(I had a real problem with this one as the sweeteners were really small and I think I actually put more than 2 in her coffee which I thought those mini dispensers were rosak sebab macam tak keluar je)

Lady: Bring the coffee up to me...

(I felt like I was her carer already)

Lady: Ooooh...Oooohh...Its too hot...

Me: Do you want some ice...

(She gave me a nod and I went to put some ice in

her coffee and went back to her)

Lady: Ooooh...Ooooh...Its too cold...

(I went back and put some hot milk in her coffee)

Lady:Its too hot...I want more cream...

So I went back and redo her coffee and she drank it happily...My colleagues we all laughing at me but that experience made me realize that I have so much patience...What if it happens to you??Would you just sit and watch or give her a hand... :)

Below is an image of her...

Well thats the end of the story...So today, two of the shop's regular customer came...Two of them were two interesting old men...The first guy is a Scottish guy whom will always order for a cup of regular latte...My manager calls him 'the little guy'...I served him and he asked me where I was from...To my surprise, he knows where Kuala Lumpur is and even know that we call it KL...He told me his story...He left Scotland when he was 18 to join the army and later joined the navy where he retired as a sailor...This friendly little guy then told me that he was married to an Irish woman and all his money is in Ireland...He slipped his hand in his front pocket and took out a picture of his wife..."This is my wife, she died 20 years ago when she was 55..." I could sense a tone of sadness...Such a charming old man...He kept an obituary piece in his card holder...It wrote 'Deeply Missed & Loved'...That really moved my feelings...I mellowed down the conversation by saying that I was about 7 years old at that time...He finally had a chuckle...I went back to work....

At about 4 pm another old Chinese guy from Hong Kong came to the shop looking for me...The first time he came, I was the one who served him which he remembers and constantly look for me as he is not able to converse that well in English...As usual I tend to understand all this people which amazes my colleagues.. Today he did not want his normal sandwich...He wanted to make a call to his son...He showed me some coins on his hands and a phone number written on a piece of paper...I excused myself and helped him to make his call at the phone booth nearby...He told me that he can't read the numbers and he said that I have good eyes to look for him...I went back to the shop, and checked on him and I saw him talking happily on the phone...He hung up and I saw him looking in the shop for me...He wanted to give me a wave and bowed from afar as a gesture of gratitude...

This is one thing that I would like to share with everyone which is to listen...When my colleagues asked me how I did it...I tell them...The key to understand all this people is to listen carefully and you will understand even when they are not speaking your language just listen...Another lesson is not to complain...One of my supervisor Wioletta was telling the rest of my friends that I am the only one in the store who has never complained about work...Of course la meluahkan to mum and dad is normal, but not complaining until I want to quit...And I told her that there is no point of complaining as it will make us more stressed out...What I did was simple...Just enjoy the job and tell yourself that not everyone can do what you can do...Honestly the job looks really simple but its hard work...I understand her point but there are times when you should be grateful that you have a job to survive....

So thats the end of my long winded story...What I learn from these few days is that a person's disabilities are your strength that you have to share...Always give a hand not for a hope of a good return but to do it because you want to do it...I hope what I wrote today benefits anyone who reads it...I am not at all a great person but one thing I know I am is that I am grateful with what I have and I am only human and I do make mistakes along the way...Allhamdulilah...

If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

little brother

Honestly, I have always wanted a younger brother...No offense to my little baby sister, I still love you no matter what...The call from my parents yesterday was a definite shock to me, not in a bad way though...Dad told us that they might be adopting a 3 year old boy and I must say that I am actually quite happy with the idea even though there are many things that are running in my mind right now...

I can't imagine having another brother at the age of 26 that is like 23 years younger than me...I have always wanted to adopt a child of my own as I cannot bear looking at kids not getting the love that they deserve...Growing up in a family filled with love I do feel that this little boy deserve the love that my parents has given to all of us...Not only from parents but from my two amazing aunties that would definitely be his aunt later...I don't have any objection over this even though I know many years down the road this boy will be the siblings responsibility...

Dad and mum, I know you will be able to provide the love for this boy and I know he will be as brilliant as us four...I want him to speak well, have confidence and make all of us proud one day...I know its not confirmed yet but if we do get to take care of him that would be what I hope it will be...One thing I am just afraid is that we might all spoil him since he will be the centre of attention...Don't blame us ok, we all love kids just like the both of you...

So little boy whom I don't even know your name yet, please give us all the happiness and we will give you an experience of what a family is...We'll teach you, guide you and make sure you grow up to be a fine young man and of course we will give you love and that was what my folks taught me...

Dad and mum, this is a big decision in our family and I hope if it happens this little boy will be your teman... I know the both of you long for this and I am sure you miss those times when we were still little...No matter what all of us for are still your babies ok...Teach him what you taught us and I know and I believe he will be just fine...

This is truly unexpected but selected...Children are the gift from the above...

P.S: Ma, make sure he can speak well ok, Mrs.Voon tak tau mana dah so you need to be the Mrs.Voon and maybe he will learn my infamous poetry taught by her:-

I'm a lean dog, a keen dog, a wild dog, and lone;
I'm a rough dog, a tough dog, hunting on my own;
I'm a bad dog, a mad dog, teasing silly sheep;
I love to sit and bay the moon, to keep fat souls from sleep.

Daddy u make sure he is very positive...Give him the military training like you did to us...hahahaha....

"Its better to have a loving family than to have no family at all"

the bus ride

I went to college today to send my equipment back and I must say this Video Production assignment is the toughest...Not in terms of shots or my storyline...Its worse than that...I have never felt this tired carrying everything by myself...I wonder why this is not a group project...I had to carry the camera, tripod and a matte box and my college bag...Dugaan dia Allah S.W.T sahaja la yang tau....The weather is one thing, I had to take a bus and the tram...and of course it was the same thing when I picked it up...And worse of all, my contributor couldn't make it and wants me to arrange for next week...Thank god my name has given me the sifat 'bersyukur' and not to dwell over things like this...

So with my heavy loads I entered the bus, and was greeted by two old ladies asking me if I was from a TV station...Of course not, I'm a Visual Media student working on a college project...She offered me her seat, but of course I refused...I told her that she deserved the seat even though I really needed to seat after walking for 10 minutes...Then the ladies went down after a few stop and I got myself a seat at the handicapped and baby tramp area...While seating I made sure that no one brought a baby in because I will have to carry everything else where...Few stops later, came a man with his baby...I stood up immediately and shifted all my things...Masyallah, beratnya barang2 nie...Well the seat is prioritized that way kan but I managed to get a seat as well...

The man said thanks very much and told me that I could put the things behind his baby's tramp...Suddenly an old lady said something to the both of us which I think is very brilliant..."Both of you are very kind people, trying to help each other...You must always have kindness in your heart as it will bring you a long way, when I was a child that was what my folks taught me...Show kindness and your kids will follow after you and it will go on until you die and when you are kind people will treat you with kindness." I smiled at her and said thanks for the wonderful advice....

I went off the bus and carried my heavy loads, and guess what....Some kind person offered to help me carry my things to the college...Isn't it just so ironic when you just got an advice, it happened all over sudden...Allahamdulliah...Subhanallah...

'Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are'

-Author Unknown-