Chasing Dreams

I have always believe in chasing my dreams and being a person who is very ambitious, I have set a long list of things that I want in my life. At times I feel people only think that I only chase one thing in life which is to be successful in my career/making loads of money and thats it without thinking of other aspects in life. The truth is, it is not something that I don't care about but rather it is something that I am very fixed with about what I want in life. Never in one day that I never think about my future and I know whatever I am doing is after a very thorough thought and it is not about being selfish. If ever I am selfish I would just stay here and not think about anyone else.

I am different in my thinking and I always wish that people can understand but its not something you can exactly say bluntly because people have expectations in everything that you do. It hurts sometime to feel like you cannot live up to what other people want and its unfair because I am completely happy with myself. I grew up in an environment where I believe that I should be able to take on to my decisions and have my own opinion and it does not mean if I don't do something that they want it means I love them less or not care about how they feel. Whatever happens to my feelings and my own happiness?

It is my life, my choice... If only you could hear my words and my voice deep down in my heart. If ever I regret, I will live through it and please do not worry because I know I won't and it will not make less of a good person for not fulfilling that one aspect. I believe there are many ways to achieve happiness/success and it is the words of others that puts pressure to it. I am very depressed at the moment and I feel that I don't make any of you happy.

I'm sorry I am not the best but I always try to be and I love you with all my heart.

P.S:

"My heroes are my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes."

'Mr.Liam'

Memang betul kata orang tua, 'jauh perjalanan, jauh pemandangan'....Thank you mum and dad for sending me all the way here...I EXPERIENCE...I TASTE...I FEEL...I HEAR...I SEE...some parts in life that I truly appreciate....I guess this is part of growing up....

This post today is dedicated to Mr.Liam...If you read my blog, I guess you will know who he is...He is the gentleman who gave me a ball of soap as a present...What I am about to write is not about the ball of soap he gave me or anything funny...It is something that happen to me that made me feel like sitting down and not say a word but to listen...

Mr.Liam came to the shop today...He smiled at me...But his face was rather blank....I went off for my break and there he was sitting at the end of the shop sipping his bowl of soup...Without hesitation, I approached him and asked him how was his trip to Malaysia...He was amazed that I knew about his trip...He told me he loved Malaysia and asked me where I was from...He replied, "I know someone from Kuala Lumpur, her name is Shaq...Have you seen her?I want to talk to her..." I smiled, "It's me sir...I am Shaq..."He paused and replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize until you smiled..." I didn't want him to feel bad and I said that it was okay and that I am glad the he remembered my name...That is enough for me being just a person who makes sandwiches...

So Mr.Liam continued on talking to me and asked me about school and how I have been coping with school...He then looked at me and said something I did not expect..."Shaq, I came here to look for you...I have cancer and its spreading to my lungs..." His eyes were a bit teary...I didn't know what to say...I pulled the chair and sat down with him...Looked at him in the eye and I said, "Sir, I am sorry to hear that...My dad is a trainer back in Malaysia, he constantly reminds me that the mind is the strongest thing and if you stay positive, with God's willing you will remain fine...And you know what, you look very fit and I am honoured to be one of the people that you choose to talk to...I may not understand or feel the pain that you are going through...But I believe that miracles do happen...And I know you will receive some miracles in life...." He smile and said that it was such a compliment for me to tell him that he looked fit...He said what I said was true for someone younger than him...I smiled and thank him...

I walked away, feeling rather heavy at my heart...I wanted to cry...I wanted to call mum and dad to ask what is the best thing to say to this gentleman...He is such a nice man...I went back to him and offered to buy him a pot of tea...Before leaving the table, I said that he could look for me whenever he wish to talk to someone and that is the best I can do...Ten minutes later he came up to me and say, "Terima Kasih Banyak...Jumpa lagi 13 Disember....I hope to see you before you leave for Malaysia..." I smiled, he walked away and waved at me...

For that...Everyone should be constantly grateful and live each day like there is no tomorrow...

Dear Mr.Liam,

I don't know who you are...But I will pray for your health and happiness...May you be blessed like how I have been blessed...God will always be by your side and never stop living life to the fullest for there is so much in life... Like what Albert Einstein said in one of his quotes, "The are only two ways to live your life...One Is as though nothing is a miracle...The other one is as though everything is a miracle..." Please have the courage to live...Anyone can die...Thank you for choosing me to listen for I believe that is one of the reason God has placed me in this world...God Bless you sir...

P.s:

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.” -Unknown-